Discover your sub-personalities to know yourself better

We are as complex as they are multiple, inhabited and acted upon by entities, voices that correspond to the different facets of ourselves. Identifying them and questioning them allows us to access better self-acceptance.

In the 1980s, Hal and Sidra Stone coined the psychological concept of subpersonalities (“sub-personalities”) as they develop a process of introspective exploration: Voice Dialogue, known in France as inner dialogue. “The purpose of this is to identify and consciously integrate the different facets of our personality, considered as characters, voices that inhabit us, explains Latifa Gallo1, coach and sophrologist trained in this method. Discovering that we are made up of many facets allows us not to reduce ourselves, nor allow ourselves to be reduced to a single character trait. We can then discover and accept all our inner richness. The coach points out that “all our sub-personalities are a defense created by our psyche to protect us. At first, a child is vulnerable. In a rigid, authoritarian family, he will develop the sub-personality of “the Obedient” to be accepted and loved by his parents. But if the opposite sub-personality, in this case “the Rebel”, remains repressed, he will remain submissive, subject to people and events all his life. This repressed part creates internal tensions which, in the long term, can cause psychic or physical ailments”. Hence the importance of bringing to light the parts of oneself kept in the shadows. Not to mention that “the more a sub-personality is rejected, the more likely it is to spiral out of control in times of crisis. On the other hand, if we accept them, our shadow parts will have less desire to manifest themselves in a negative way”, specifies Latifa Gallo, who suggests that we open a dialogue with ourselves.

1. Author of Less is more, and if happiness was not in having but in being… (Larousse).

Identify your primary sub-personalities…

They are the most visible, the most active, the ones that appear most frequently. We can consider them as the hard core of our character.

Write down a list of your main character traits. (positive and negative) as if they were characters: the Lucid, the Demanding, the Joyful, the Susceptible, the Organized, the Fighting, the Controlling, the Generous, the Empathetic, etc.
Do not pass judgment on the positive or negative nature of these character traits.

… talk to them

Ask the following questions to each character, then write down their answers:
– How long have you been here?
– In which situations do you manifest yourself most frequently?
– What are your positive intentions?

Then answer the following questions:
– Which of these sub-personalities manifests itself most frequently? In what situations?
– What type of energy does it release in action (think of the sensations in your body, the emotions it arouses)?
– Are there some primary sub-personalities that are overdeveloped (eg the Activist, which can lead you to burnout from overactivity)?

Identify your opposing sub-personalities and engage with them

They are the opposite of your primary sub-personalities. If the primary is the Demanding, its opposite will be the Lax; if the primary is the Generous, its opposite will be the Selfish, etc.

Then ask yourself the following questions about each of them:
– Has she already spoken? How ? In what situations?
– How was it received when it appeared (with family, at work, as a couple, with your friends, etc.)?
– What would you gain by letting her express herself more often? For example: “If I was a little more lax from time to time, I would be more relaxed. »

Identify your disowned sub-personalities and engage with them

Denied sub-personalities have been repressed because they are not accepted by our primary sub-personalities or by the environment. They manifest themselves vehemently in situations of crisis or stress, or in projection: we see faults in others that we do not see in ourselves. Which does not serve our interests. Hence the importance of identifying them and understanding their value in order to take advantage of their function. Example: If one of your sub-personalities is Humble, its opposite polarity is Proud. If this sub-personality is denied, it will make you someone who can be dominated, who does not dare to put yourself forward.

Once these sub-personalities have been identified, ask yourself the following questions for each of them:
“What don’t you like about her?”
– How could it serve you? For example: “If I were more proud instead of being too humble, I might lose the nice image others have of me. »
– What would you gain by letting her express herself more often? For example: “If I were sometimes more proud, I would command more respect, I would be less ‘drudgery’. In order to prevent the Humble from turning into a “carpet”, dialogue with her and ask her to be less present and to leave a little room for the Proud.

Reveal your hidden qualities
Hidden sub-personalities can be the qualities or talents that have not been recognized, valued, encouraged and that lie dormant in the shadows of our consciousness.

Write down the name of a person (famous or close) that you admire. Then list everything that charms you and that you admire about her. Write in the third person singular: “He/She is…” “He/She has…” Then proceed to enumerate aloud their talents and qualities by transposing the list to the first person: “I am…” “I have…” The talents and qualities that we admire in others are our own, even if they are of superior intensity. We can admire the creativity of Leonardo da Vinci, who reveals our own to us, without being at his level.

Ask each of your hidden qualities how it might express itself: in what area, how often, what place would she like to have in your life?

Identify your inner brakes: what would prevent you from giving them the place they want: the fear of modifying your image? Lack of self-confidence…

Accept and let live these parts of light in you.

Spot your hidden flaws

Hidden sub-personalities can also be weaknesses, failings, shortcomings that we refuse to see in ourselves and that create discomfort, inner conflicts and complicated relationships.

Write down the name of a close person who particularly irritates you. List what annoys you about her, all her flaws and annoying character traits. We project onto the other our hidden qualities, but also our unmentionable flaws.

Analyze, if any, how these faults are hidden within you. Because the negative fixations that we make on others are so wrong that we refuse to see in ourselves. Can’t stand his hypocrisy? However, life in society works on a part of hypocrisy. Identify the situations in which you use it (even at a minimum). Then question this aversion: what does it say about your history, your past? What truth did you want to get and from whom? What hypocrisy have you suffered from? Or, on the contrary, who demanded truth, transparency, frankness from you, forcing you to always confess everything? By accepting this repressed part, we can become more tolerant of others.

Once you have completed all of these exercises, do regular readings of your questions and answers. This is how over time you will integrate your sub-personalities and work on inner unification.

Source: Psychologies

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Varun Kumar

Varun Kumar is a freelance writer working on news website. He contributes to Our Blog and more. Wise also works in higher ed sustainability and previously in stream restoration. He loves running, trees and hanging out with her family.

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