Dirty Talk: How do deaf people actually flirt?

dirty talk
How do deaf people actually flirt?

gesture “I like you.”

© Wowtech / Deborah Shorupka

Every relationship starts with a flirt. Totally logical for hearing people, but how does intimacy and affection develop in deaf people? And how about sex? Does that only work with the lights on? We interviewed deaf sex expert Conny Tiedemann. She enlightens us.

Around 7.8 million severely disabled people live in Germany, 210,000 of whom are hard of hearing or deaf, according to the German Federation of the Deaf. Nevertheless, many people cannot imagine that people with disabilities also have sex. “Perhaps because they are confronted far too little with the issue of disability and therefore have no idea how it is possible to have sex in a different way than they are used to. Many also have no idea how to have sex with a wheelchair user.” explains the pigeon sex expert Conny Tiedemann. For example, deaf people flirt like hearing people, but much more intensively and clearly: longer, more intensive eye contact than with hearing people, the touches are clearer, other parts of the body (e.g. back) are touched, she explains. While hearing people like to play with hints when flirting, that doesn’t work for deaf people. Are you getting straight to the point here?

Is flirting more direct?

Saying something through the flower usually doesn’t go down well with deaf people, explains Conny Tiedemann. You have to make it very clear that you like someone, and there are very clear gestures for that.

gesture "i like you"

gesture “i like you”

© Wowtech / Deborah Shorupka

“Sign language is very visual and therefore a presentation in 3D is possible. You can describe how you want to seduce the other. You get a clear idea and that is very stimulating.”

Talk dirty to me…

Dirty talk is part of sex, like taking off your socks. Of course, every deaf person has their own individual sexual preferences. Some like dirty talk, others don’t. “There are deaf people who don’t know this and don’t use it, especially in the older generations. The younger generation uses it more.” In any case, there is no shortage of gestures. So there would be very clear gestures where you immediately know what it’s about.

Sign: Do you want sex with me?

gesture “do you want sex with me”

© Wowtech / Deborah Shorupka

But it’s not just flirting that’s a little different, the sex itself is too. While moans of passion don’t matter as much, other senses are far more heightened. For example, it is exciting for deaf people to feel their breath on their skin or to see their facial expressions when they are sexually aroused. Of course, body language also plays a bigger role. Also, deaf people tend to have sex in the light. “There are deaf people who like to have sex in the dark. But in general, you want the room to be bright enough to see the other.” Above all, this facilitates communication.

Are Deaf People on Tinder?

Dating apps are booming. Many couples get to know each other online, even affairs or friendship plus one searches there. But do deaf people also use the offer? Only if they are open to hearing people, Conny says, in order to get to know other deaf people, not really. Rather, partner exchanges here are events, for example sports, cultural, club events, where you can get to know each other face to face.

Accessible sex – we need to talk about it

But with all the love, there is one thing that is really lacking: extensive sexual education. Conny Tiedemann tries to abolish this grievance on her Instagram account, but the education of deaf people and the offers on the subject are still rare. Conny explains why: “It starts with the parents. Many hearing parents do not provide sex education simply because they are overwhelmed and at school many teachers are not very good at sign language and that makes a big difference. So that many students do not fully understand this explanation. At the same time, most deaf people have difficulties reading and writing, because deaf people usually start much too late with written and sign language and are then no longer able to fill this gap. This means that subtitles or texts are not fully understood either. The best way to explain things is in sign language.” However, good and comprehensive sexual education has so far hardly been widespread. This in turn means that deaf people would hardly know any ways to explore their bodies. At the same time, for fear of loneliness, they often stay in relationships that are not good for them for far too long.

The mission

That’s why Conny works together with the sexual wellness brand We-Vibe to educate people with disabilities. What can we all do to break these taboos? learn sign language! “Hearing people can learn sign language, but we cannot learn how to hear. You can feel overwhelmed and not know how to deal with deaf people, but it is important that you remain curious and open. As a human being, you always want to be noticed by others and it hurts you when others turn away from you.”

Connie Tiedemann


Connie Tiedemann is a social worker in an association for deaf people and is a strong advocate for removing taboos and destigmatizing the sexuality of people with disabilities. On her Instagram channel, she does educational work for people who are deaf or hard of hearing about their own bodies, masturbation, sex and relationships.


Source: Brigitte

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Deborah Acker

I write epic fantasy; self-published via KDP. Devoted dog mom to my 10 yr old GSD, Shadow! DM not a priority; slow response at best #amwriting #author.

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