One of our readers fell in love with the 36-year-old soldier she met on Badoo. She thought it was “the one” and finally feels used. He also suspects that he was lying about the funeral of a loved one so that he would have a reason not to speak to her.
I am logged in to Badoo. At the end of May, a 36-year-old guy contacted me there. We switched to Facebook, it turned out that he is a military man and lives in Wrocław. I agreed to take the next step, we met. We went for lunch and ice cream, we didn’t have much time as he was going to pick up his parents from the airport. At the meeting, we held hands, kissed and hugged. The farewell was passionate.
We stayed in touch for days afterward. Then I found out that someone from his family had died and he stopped talking to me. Totally. After the funeral, he wanted to meet, but I didn’t. I was furious with him for treating me like that. After a while he continued to struggle to contact me and I finally relented. We met, had a beautiful day. However, after the meeting, I felt that he was acting differently.
I asked my friend to check it out and it turned out she had a girl and I was just a stupid sex toy. They say they’ve been together for two years and he’s unhappy. I couldn’t stand it and called him. I had the feeling that this conversation was funny to him. From that moment on, he completely stopped talking to me. I try not to think about him, but you just can’t. I felt something for him, I was sure that he was the “one”, but unfortunately not. He treated me like a toy, a doll he got bored with. I suffer, it hurts.
Let’s start with the fact that these are the friends each of us needs! You throw her the name of a dude, and like a purebred detective, she finds all the key information. Respect.
Dear Reader, I am so sorry that you have been hurt. Betrayal is horrible and cruel. I think I feel even more sorry for your soldier’s partner, because you spent a few weeks on this relationship, and it flies! The worst thing about disloyalty is that we make decisions based on a reality that doesn’t exist. Living together, marriage, children – we analyze each of these decisions in detail, although we do not have data that can be relied on. Of course, we don’t know it then. We invest our time, build a life which then turns out to be an illusion, and unfortunately in this case it is impossible to rewind the cassette, like on an old Walkman. Nothing hurts as much as the feeling of lost time and emotions, which could be shown to someone who deserves it and will build the life you want together with you.
If I were you, I would be glad that sooner than his partner, you found out that he is not a man who should be trusted. If you are looking for a permanent relationship, it only saved you time. I know it hurts, but any hurt woman who has lived a lie for years will tell you that she would rather know sooner.
This situation makes me think about how much we sometimes want to believe in another person. You didn’t know your soldier very well from what you were saying, and yet you started to feel something special about him. He treated you badly, your intuition told you that something was wrong, and you still stubbornly believed in him. I do not judge you! I think most of us do. Especially when it comes to distance or internet relations. I have a theory about this.
When we get to know someone live and are in constant contact with them, we have a lot of information about that person. We see what we like and what we don’t. When a person is only “internet”, our brain has to fill the gaps in knowledge, so of course it tells us the coolest story possible, because it is made of our desires and expectations. Who will suit us more than a partner we create ourselves? I have the impression that then we often fall in love with our image of someone, and not with a real person. I think that was also the case here, because you wouldn’t fall in love with a trickster and liars. You’ve been working with distorted data from the beginning.
This funeral thread sounds like it’s from a TV show. I understand from your letter that you suspect that he was only using it as an excuse to cut off contact. You feel like no one has died and he just made it up. Something like a dog that ate homework in elementary school. Do you know what’s good about it? Your intuition worked! You felt something spinning, but you acted against yourself and let yourself be persuaded to meet. This is an important lesson for all of us that you should listen to your intuitions. They sense danger faster than our rational brain, which has managed to compose a dream story and tie a bow on it. Who would have thought? However, this is what our heart should be guided by in matters of love?
All the best
See also: Many women feel that if they don’t cum during penetration, there is something wrong with them. It’s not true