It was not difficult to empathize with Cristiano Ronaldo Y Georgina Rodriguez when this Monday, late in the afternoon, half the planet learned through their networks that they had lost one of the babies they were expecting. What they described as “the greatest pain that parents can feel” It was an intangible concept that anyone could quantify when reading that statement in which they also announced that their other twin had survived childbirth.
Now, after the shock of the death of a child whose arrival they had been longing for nine months, the couple have to go through a hard process of assimilation that they have asked to face from privacy. After a perinatal death, parents face a complicated duel about which Divinity.es wanted to know more by talking to a professional who tells us about the processes that the Aveiro Rodríguez could follow to try to alleviate in them and their environment the experience of this traumatic episode.
Mourning for a neonatal death, a taboo
As explained to us the psychologist Teresa Terolauthor of the psychology podcast ‘Bravely’, the first thing you have to understand is that grief is nothing more (or less) than “a loss that is managed through the tools one has”. Each person experiences it in their own way. And the only difference that Cristiano and Georgina will find compared to other parents who, for example, lose a son who is already a teenager in a traffic accident, will be found in the reaction of those around her.
In cases of neonatal deaths it is very common that “people stop asking you”. The taboos that exist around this type of death have a lot to do with the fact that “society does not allow you to grieve, it does not understand that you are annoyed for a year because, in the end, if you have not met him, it is not a big deal”. And in his case, in which some see ‘consolation’ in the fact that his other daughter is healthy, even more so.
How to reconcile the contradictory emotion of losing a child and having been a father at the same time
What Cristiano and Georgina will be experiencing right now is, in the words of Terol, a mixture of “dissonant or contradictory emotions”. How do you combine the illusion of having been a father with the sorrow of having lost one of your children? Both must know that all these feelings “have value and must be lived and accepted.” And this is where other factors such as guilt come into play.
All the feelings that are lived have value and must be accepted
To that “deep sadness” that they have expressed for the loss of that son Added to this is “not being able to attend one hundred percent to your other baby because you are not in the state of mind that would be expected of you in a normal situation”. It also conditions emotionally the fact of “feeling joy” or enjoying those first times with their daughter, whom they still haven’t wanted to name after what they just went through.
“This can also happen when presenting it in society, by sharing space with your environment and showing yourself well to others,” says the psychologist. It is in these cases that it is vitally important family communication.
The role of the Aveiro Rodríguez, crucial
The correct thing, from Teresa Terol’s point of view, is that from a “healthy, open and available” communication network is already created in which, as in any duel, the parents receive all the attention of theirs.
It is important to create a healthy and open family communication network
Questions such as “what can I help you with”, being present, showing that they can turn to them and, above all, not downplaying what they are going through are positions that both Cristiano Ronaldo’s mother and sisters and Cristiano Ronaldo’s sister could adopt. Geo, Ivana Rodriguezgreat support from Georgina in this trance, so that the parents feel accompanied.
Following this line prevents situations from being generated where there is no transparency. “The family is there to support each other in a clean way”, claims. However, when they leave the adult world and sit down with their other children, their way of dealing with grief must be different.
How to explain to Alana, Mateo, Eva and Cristiano that their brother has passed away?
Those four older brothers who were waiting for two new members to come to the clan and who, suddenly, will run into one, deserve an explanation appropriate to their age. In this way, especially Alana, Eva and Mateo, who are four years old, they will have to tell him in a “clear and adapted way, from affection”, avoiding “rare metaphors that confuse them”. In these cases it is advisable to rely on professional help to communicate it in the best possible way.
Accept the undeniable bond created during 9 months
That baby that Cristiano Ronaldo and Georgina Rodríguez have lost was already “real” before his death. Although she did not survive childbirth, what Toral tries to make us understand is that in those nine months prior to pregnancy (added to the expectations that could have been created before conceiving it) a great bond had already been created.
Children should be told in a clear and adapted way, from affection
The mother has an even greater bond, to a great extent that she has spent a stage of her life sheltering that baby in her body (with all the emotional impact that this implies). The rest of the family also tends to have a great bond, because she already imagined what her life would be like with him, she had already chosen a name for him or even put a face on ultrasound. That is why we must not fall into the usual mistake of letting it go and, again, turning it into a taboo.
“People tend to treat the baby who has survived as an only child, not as a child who has lost his twin brother. The most important thing is not to cover up the problem and pretend that this has not happened so that it does not hurt.”, he points.
Saying goodbye to your son, an essential act in the process of assimilation
For all this, even if you don’t have much to hold on to, Teresa Terol (whose Instagram profile is @terol_psicologia) sees positive that in situations of this type a farewell ritual is carried out. “With the little things that you had prepared, with the most intimate environment, it is positive that something is written in a box, that you talk about what has happened in a small act that integrates the experience you have just suffered”.
All these small big steps have to be taken, as it seems to be their intention, from the privacy. The obvious media impact of both parents should not prevent them from dedicating the necessary time to this mourning, not letting yourself be carried away by the thought that, not having met your child, this is something that “must be overcome quickly”. “It’s not about wallowing in the emotions that come to us, but about accepting that they’re there,” he insists.
Cutting your activity on networks, betting on silence, not listening to those opinions that are being expressed worldwide about your personal situation, is a correct way to face your current reality. Take advantage of this time to, according to Terol, “focus on them, on their family, on being well, on grieving and on accepting sadness and joy, understanding that both fit”.