Going over the rice, not having children or a partner and other (heavy) social conditions

Updated Saturday, January 15, 2022 –
09:01

How much harm do social stereotypes do? If you live as a couple and have children, you may not have realized how tormenting it is, for many women, not having managed to build a life project according to what society expects of them.

Social conventions weigh women down.

I realize in therapy, over and over again, that we are not truly aware of the immense psychological damage that can make us some social dogmas.

There are many people who, in one way or another, have to deal with the discrepancy between the way they lead through life and the way they theoretically ‘should’. In this field, unfortunately, women are one of the big losers.

I firmly believe, and I find myself with it every day, that the masculine gender also accumulates its good dose of grievance, since the precepts of machismo also come out quite badly, ‘forced’ to position himself in a quasi-almighty role in which strength is clumsily associated with a lack of emotional expressiveness, in a world in which a man who says “I can’t do this” turns out to be a ‘failure’.

covert pressure

But, as I was saying, in this fight against the implicit social conditions It seems that women can not lower our guard for a single moment: ‘we start to miss the rice’ just a couple of years after getting married or, worse still, we feel excluded when, after a certain age, we have not yet built a stable couple and we do not have in mind well contemplated the path of marriage. family planning.

A patient was telling me the other day what had been one of her biggest disappointments in life, that day in which her best friend for more than 20 years justified herself for not having called her in more than a month: “It’s That you already know, we only make children’s plans, And why call you, if you’re not going to have a good time and they’re not going to enjoy it with you”.

A direct thrust to the heart, just what he needed to hear a few weeks after having broken up with his last partner after five years of living together, with a project for the future that was left hanging in the air with no execution date.

Cruelties like this aside, the truth is that we don’t need to be so explicitly reminded of some things to feel the covert pressure of unfinished milestones; that prejudiced look of those who do not want to get involved where they are not called, but they do.

After the age of 35 or 40, many women tell you how frustrating it is to see how others around them seem to build their lives. while theirs are still light years away from resembling the form they are supposed to take.

ok, but… and how do you fix it?

It is true that many times we ourselves generate this type of irrational approach, it is true that we are still surrounded by people who love us… But that does not relieve the pressure or fear in the face of so fearsome loneliness! She, the one who is left alone, the one who did not take care or the one who did not know how to be taken care of, the one who reached a point where she threw in the towel… Prejudices that are experienced as a constant kick in the heart of self-esteem and, worse still, also of identity.

What if I was unlucky? Nobody contemplates the random factor of the evolution of a couple? What if I prioritized other things? It is that perhaps my professional career has no value for not having made it compatible with motherhood? What if I still haven’t gotten intimate with anyone? Is it that after 40, time begins to count down for me instead of continuing to enrich us as it happens to others?

Only by ourselves begins the necessary awareness of the underhanded torture we inflict on so many women. It depends on each one of us tie is not just a nice word but an authentic attitude towards life, a look of understanding and mutual respect, a way of contemplating the life of the other never apart from the other, but from their own frame of references, experiences and significant life situations.


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