Relationship: This is the best way to be there for your: n partner

This is the best way to be there for your: n partner

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A healthy partnership includes supporting one another and being there for one another. And what is the best way to do it? According to a psychological study: secretly.

Whether we are stressed at work or doubt the meaningfulness of our job. Whether we care about our mother, who just doesn’t get along with the new caregiver. Or whether we have been drained and exhausted for weeks and simply do not know what the reason is, because our blood values ​​are okay and the matter has been settled for our: n family doctor: in with it. In such phases it is nice when we have someone in our life who is there for us. That relieves us of our burden or makes it easier for us to carry it. This person can be a friend, a relative, or a partner. But no matter who it is in the individual case: How should this person actually do it best – be there for us? Psychologist Gary Lewandowski, among others, has dealt with this question.

The downside of the support

Getting support can be a double-edged sword, writes the psychologist in Psychology Today. Of course, it is fundamentally valuable and, as has been proven by a study, contributes to greater satisfaction, for example in the partnership, when we to knowthat our: e partner: in supports us. Even more valuable and even greater satisfaction, however – and this is shown by the same study – if we are supported and it do not know.

If we are aware that our: e partner: helps us and is there for us in a targeted manner, according to the results of the investigation, this could trigger fears and irritation. Realizing that we need support makes some people feel like they’re not good enough. Not independent enough, not strong enough, not organized enough. In addition, some people get the impression that they owe their: r partner: something or have to give something back if he: r is doing them an obvious favor. Whether or not these feelings are based on distorted perception: Getting support can be stressful. Unless we don’t know we’re getting some.

Secret support helps the most

According to a 2000 study, law students felt less depressed and anxious during their exams when they had invisible help in their private lives. And in the aforementioned study, which was published in 2018, it was found that when support went unnoticed, relationship satisfaction was greatest and mood was best. In addition, one day after receiving the secret help, the test subjects seemed to find the everyday interactions with their partner to be more pleasant, for example the conversations, the sex, the time they spent together. Obvious support can be in a relationship between us, secret – apparently – not.

What can hidden support look like?

Basically, it is relatively easy to secretly support a person, and most of them do it occasionally or often in everyday life anyway: by Be considerate and relieve the person without making a big deal out of it. And without underlining it with comments like Since you have so much on your mind at the moment, I’ll take care of the shopping today or where you already have so many worries, I don’t want to burden you with my demands. Whether we take on a task in the household for which our sweetheart is actually responsible, but who is currently visiting his mother in the hospital. Whether we are watching a series with our: m boyfriend that we secretly detest so that he: she is not alone with his: her lovesickness. Whether we motivate the kids to paint our: m partner: in a picture who: who is currently under stress at work.

To be there for someone can mean many things, and if we love that person, the fact that it helps them is more important than one thanks. However, in a healthy relationship, both are there for each other in the same way. As soon as only one: r (secretly) supports and the: the other does not, the relationship cannot work in the long term.

Verwendete Quellen:; Journal of Family Psychology, 32(7): Does support need to be seen? Daily invisible support promotes next day relationship well-being; Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 79(6): Invisible support and adjustment to stress


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