Can my daughter refuse to let us move?

Your daughter tells you, Miriam, that she does not want to leave her school, her teacher and her friends. And you interpret it as a refusal to accept that you, his mother, live your life. This hypothesis would be possible if this move was the first, but it is not. Because your daughter has already lived – and she says it -, at 10 years old, between her father and you… six moves, not to mention the separations (those of her father and yours). It’s heavy, but it could still be bearable for her. A child, in fact, needs to know his parents are happy, in their adult lives, and can fully understand that the search for happiness is not, for them, easy. But he needs, in order to understand it, that we explain it to him, and that we accompany him, taking into account (and seriously) his suffering and his difficulties. Now not only does your daughter not benefit from such support from you, but you purely and simply deny her suffering by saying: “She sees this with the eyes of a child and, in any case, she is. always remake of girlfriends! Can you hear, Myriam, the violence that this negation of what she is experiencing represents for her?

You ask me to help you make her accept this seventh move, which she refuses. That would be like helping you manipulate it, and I won’t. Because my work as a psychoanalyst is not to help parents to manipulate their children, but to get them to question themselves about what happened, in their own childhood, so that they can be led to want to do it. . What happened in yours, Miriam? Don’t you think we should think about it?

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