You finish, Sophie, the letter in which you explain your mother’s problems to me, telling me that I will no doubt tell you (“rightly”, you specify) that all this “does not concern you”.
I’m not going to tell you that, Sophie. Because that would be to ignore what you are going through, since your mother puts you, precisely, in a position to “look” permanently, not at your present and your future, but at her past. While you are 14 years old, and you are her daughter, she does indeed talk to you as if you were her shrink. And you, prisoner of the desire to help her and perhaps also of the desire to have, with her, a place (would you have one, if you refused?), You answer her as if you did. were. She tells you about her sufferings with her alcoholic husband (your father…), and especially with her family. A family which continues, as it always has done, to mistreat her psychologically, but with which it has never broken up (why?). All this is therefore very heavy, and would require her to undergo psychotherapy, because there are no generalizable “keys” which could help everyone: each one must find, in an individual work, his own. Contrary to what you think, Sophie, what you do with your mother doesn’t help her because it only takes her away from the care she would need. And it robs you of an energy you need to build your own life. Your mother obviously doesn’t understand it. But you are, you, today – your letter proves it – capable of understanding it. Think about it! It’s worth it.